CASS DA RE
<Features Editor>
Bloomberg Businessweek, formerly known as BusinessWeek, published an article entitled “Three Types of People to Fire Immediately.” The authors encouraged people in power of innovative companies to identify (and the weakest links are often easily identifiable) the members on his/her team who “passive-aggressively block innovation from happening and will suck the energy out of any organization.” The type of people who will elicit pressing pink slip treatment were categorized into three stereotypes: The Victims, The Non-Believers, and the Know-it-Alls.
I personally do not own a company; I do not have in my capacity to pay or fire an employee, and I do not single-handedly lead any organization outside of the hallowed halls of Osgoode. My guess is that you don’t either. And so the inevitable question is, what does any of this have to do with my happiness? I am glad you asked young grasshopper, for the answer is in power of the proverbial pink slip.
You may not own an invention company, but you own the imaginative and creative power of your mind. You may not have the capacity to hire and fire, but you do have the capacity to choose the people who surround you. Lastly, you may not single-handedly run anything; but you are the CEO, COO, and managing partner of your own life. As such, it is your duty and obligation to the Corporation of Me, Myself and I, to release from your life all the people who passive-aggressively block growth, development and happiness from happening and will suck the energy out of any situation.
Which brings us back to the three types to be terminated: The Victims, The Non-Believers, and the Know-it-Alls. This week’s Happiness Challenge is to identify these people using the handy-dandy cheat sheet below, and to engage your inner Human Resources department to tactfully remove them from your life.
The Victim
The Victim is the easiest of three personality types to spot. This “friend” is always negative. He/she is the most likely to feel attacked by everyone and everything. Look for familar phrases such as: “That professor gives us so much readings, it’s not even feasible in my work week, I do so much, and I always get the hardest professors, no one has it as hard as me” or “Trees hate me, branches always hit me when I’m biking.”
The Victim relishes mundane drama and looks for the opportunity to share his/her latest problem with you. Victims love to be victims, they enjoy being the centre of sympathetic attention and feel the need to constantly out-do someone else in the race to the bottom. For example, any law student might say, “I’m frustrated with this chapter, I can’t seem to get it.” Instead of encouraging advice or a comforting supportive shoulder, The Victim will respond in such a manner as to ascertain he/she has it so much worse, “You don’t understand the chapter? I don’t understand the book! And I can’t understand the book because books hate me, probably because they are made of trees.”
“Friends” who demonstrate any of the above characteristics are exhausting. You are constantly left picking up the pieces of their shattered lives, which shatters more often then stained glass windows next to baseball diamond. Moreover, The Victim will undoubtedly suck you into his/her vortex of negativity, leaving you with the baggage and burden of someone else’s bad day.
This person is detrimental to your happiness: fire this person as a friend.
The Non-Believer
Attitude and accomplishment are intimately linked. As we all learned from the classic American children’s book, The Little Engine That Could, the most important mantra we can utter is “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” The Non-Believer is the person who thinks you can’t.
He/she is likely to be skeptical of your ideas, goals or aspirations. While this person may not outwardly say so, he/she will reply with “war stories” and tragic anecdotes about a friend of a friend who once did this thing and failed. The Non-Believer will be the first to point out all the potential problems and weaknesses in a situation, in hopes of dissuading and discouraging you from your initial inspiration.
Look for phrases that are commonly prefaced with: “No offense, but…”; “I’m just playing devil’s advocate here, but…”; and “I wouldn’t want you to over-burden yourself.” Finding The Non-Believer is tricky because their complete and utter lack of faith in you and your abilities is often masked in a veil of concern. However, that veil is thin and once revealed, his/her motives will become transparent.
The Non-Believer does not want to see you succeed. This may stem from a fear of being left behind by his/her peers, a sense of jealousy or competitiveness, or personal insecurities. Nevertheless, The Non-Believer will directly or indirectly subvert your efforts to move forward, do better, be better and be happy.
This person doesn’t believe you should be happy: fire this person as a friend.
The Know-it-All
In law school, it may seem beneficial to have a “Know-it-All” friend. After all, this person must get the best grades and will be the most helpful come exams, right? Wrong. The Know-it-All ought not to be confused with an intelligent person who is well versed in the material. The difference lies in one’s attitude. The Know-it-All uses his/her knowledge (whether profound or superficial) to belittle others. He/she is likely to use condescending tones, make attempts to “out smart” others in public, and make you feel bad for trying.
Know-it-Alls will also be all too ready to draw your attention to your flaws and weaknesses, similar to the Non-Believer. However, this “friend” will do so in a “rational” way, as to underline the fact that you have not taken into account all the possibilities, as a law student should. Look for commonly uttered phrases such as, “I know you think that’s the right answer, but here’s how it’s really supposed to be done,” “Well, I learned this from the expert in the field, you can’t get any better than that”, or “Oh, that’s so cute that you tried, but let me do it for you.”
In addition to legal or academic knowledge, The Know-it-All will attempt to convince you that any original thought you have is inferior to his/her own. This includes thoughts about your personal life outside of law school. The Know-it-All will always feel that they have the absolute perfect answer to all matters of family, friends, food, fashion, relationships, employment, and general lifestyle decisions. The danger of such a personality is that he/she can slowly cut down your own sense of self and self-esteem.
Having someone constantly undermine you in all aspects of life is harmful to your health and happiness: fire this person as a friend.
Happiness Challenge
Now that you are armed with the tools of detection, you can begin to remove the negative influences in your life that inevitably do more harm than good. Recognize that no single person will fall perfectly into one archetype; even pessimistic people are complex and multifaceted beings.
Lastly, I beseech you to reflect on the words of a very successful CEO, who simply stated, “I wanted a happy culture. So I fired all the unhappy people.” If you want a happy life, you need to take the pink slips into your own hands, and fire the unhappy friends, and/or correspondingly, the friends who make you unhappy.