CASS DA RE
<Features Editor>
The concept of Emotional Quotient (EQ) has garnered increased popularity since the 1990s. It refers to the ability to perceive, express, control, reason and evaluate one’s emotions and the emotions of others. The crux of emotional intelligence is the facility to recognize emotion and respond or react in an appropriate, and usually advantageous manner.
As neophytes in the legal industry, we are constantly reminded that we are being evaluated by the breadth of our academic achievements and standing. The curve, a systematic method of ranking, gives us and our employers a hard line indicator of our aptitude. Whether this is actually indicative or accurate is another matter completely. Grades and numbers matter in law school. They always have, and likely always will.
All law students are intelligent, they wouldn’t be here if they weren’t. A select few get the As, a majority get the Bs, and whoever is left gets the Cs. This is a matter of fact; this is a matter of measuring intelligence. Intelligence in this context means “book smarts.” It refers to the ability to produce publishable papers or eloquently articulated exam answers. Law school measures IQ. Life measures EQ.
Lay people and lawyers alike would benefit greatly from exercising their emotional intelligence. There is some debate as to whether EQ is a personal characteristic one is born with, or whether it is a skill that can be developed and improved. I fall in the latter camp. Emotional intelligence, like other systems of knowledge and practice, can be learned. I will not deny that there is a level of instinct and intuition bound up in the expression of EQ, but if Sheldon Cooper has taught us anything, it is that even the most emotionally inept can learn to recognize sarcasm or sadness and respond in a socially acceptable manner.
Authors of the landmark article “Emotional Intelligence” (1990) identify a four-part model of EQ: Perceiving Emotion, Reasoning with Emotion, Understanding Emotion, and Managing Emotion.
Perceiving Emotion
Pay Attention to Social Cues
The most basic level of EQ is the ability to identify the gradients in a broad spectrum of emotional expression. It is trite to say that a furrowed brow indicates concentration or frustration. We are not playing a game of emotion flashcards: smile, happy; tears, sad, or big eyes, surprised.
Emotional intelligence requires a much more nuanced understanding. Draw cues from the individual him or herself, as well as how others are reacting. More often than not, people will not tell you directly how they feel. As lawyers-to-be, it is your job to discreetly discover how your client is truly feeling, leaving the interrogation tactics for prime time legal dramas.
Connecting Verbal to Non-Verbal
People say one thing and then act in a contradictory manner. You are absolutely gobsmacked, I know; it’s a shocking revelation. With this piece of knowledge in our pocket, we can work on hearing verbal representations while being constantly aware of the non-verbal messages that are simultaneously being sent.
Likewise, be mindful of the non-verbal communication you are sending out, which may or may not actually align with your emotions.
Seek Clarification and Ask Questions
Another lesson from Dr. Sheldon Cooper: When in doubt, ask for clarification. It is far savvier to engage in a sincere conversation about how a person is feeling, than to make the assumptions for yourself.
People and their emotions are complicated, and are often in conflict. Ask open-ended questions that allow the other person to provide as little or as much insight as possible. To clarify, badgering people about personal matters so that you understand how they feel is not an emotionally intelligent way to proceed.
Reasoning with Emotion
Act Appropriately
Whether dealing with sensitive issues or not, be sensitive to people’s feelings. Things that seem trivial to you may be emotionally charged for another. It is important to first assess the emotional position of each party before reacting or responding.
Keep Calm and Carry On
Stressful situations continually arise in school and in the workplace. Chaos is de rigueur these days, and that can be okay if you can effectively handle these moments of tension. Emotional intelligence is both a social and introspective practice. In times of turbulence, always keep calm and carry on by first identifying how you are feeling, asking yourself why you are feeling this way, and then, where necessary, walking away.
Emotional intelligence requires internal reflection and communication. If you are feeling stressed, angry, upset, or frustrated, go for a walk; go outside; count to ten; get away from the source of negativity, or just take a brief moment to breathe. By removing or detaching yourself from the problem, you will give yourself the opportunity to reason with your emotions, and develop an effective solution.
Understanding Emotion
Avoid Misunderstandings
The danger of the aforementioned emotional flashcards is that of misunderstanding. For example, while tears are often demonstrative of sadness, it may also be a sign of joy or frustration. It is too simplistic a practice to walk around sticking imaginary labels above people’s heads signifying the emotion you have identified. Emotions are dynamic and interwoven with situations, circumstances, and internal affairs.
When someone seems angry, and that anger seems to be directed at you, before responding in an equally hostile and defensive manner, attempt to understand the other person’s display. Ask yourself why this person is angry, what are the different possibilities and factors at play here, and how you can ascertain the root of the problem. By taking into account the various and plausible reasons for another’s emotional expression, you will decrease your chances of sticking your foot into your mouth – which is painful for all.
Avoid Projecting
In the example above, said person may have just received a parking ticket because his/her meter ran out a mere minute before he/she arrived. That would be really annoying. Instead of handling that emotion in an effective manner, this person projects his/her frustration on to you. This happens all the time. For further explanation, please see Barney Stinson’s Chain/Circle/Pyramid of Screaming from How I Met Your Mother.
By being aware of one’s personal emotional state, one can avoid projecting that onto others. Unchecked emotions can cloud one’s judgment and perception.
Managing Emotion
Managing Your Own Emotions
Getting a handle on our own emotions is a difficult task. Certain things or people have an indescribable way of getting under our skin, or pushing our buttons. However, managing these responses, particularly to difficult situations, is the highest form of emotional intelligence.
I am not telling you not to feel, automaton-style. There is a difference between feeling something, and getting caught up in a feeling that spurs unproductive or negative actions that may be harmful to yourself and others. The difference is self-awareness and emotional management.
Being passionate can be an excellent personal attribute; however, getting caught up in an emotion can often lead to juvenile, irrational, and unfounded behaviour. Such behaviour neither garners respect from one’s peers, nor effectively communicates whatever is at the heart of a particular situation. Managing emotions requires a constant conversation with oneself. It is a negotiation and a balancing act of internal dialogue and external expression.
The concepts of being professional and emotional management are tied. Engaging and interacting in the workplace requires careful and constant cognizance of one’s space, words, actions, and emotions. By procuring the skills of EQ early in your career, you will be better prepared for difficult situations and people in the near future, where screaming matches and food fights are often frowned upon.