ANGIE SHEEP
<Arts & Culture Editor>
This week’s article may be a little morbid to read as I am writing about the top regrets of the dying.
I stumbled upon this topic as I was aimlessly surfing the Internet (during class time, of course) and thought it came at a most suitable time. As many of us obsess over impending OCI’s or other stressors in our lives, I want to introduce some objectivity and perhaps calmness to our racing minds. You’ve probably seen this list before, but I’m almost certain most of you have forgotten it. How could you not? Death seems to be miles away and we are really just beginning our lives and careers. But I encourage you to ponder this list not in light of death, but in consideration that these realizations can happen anytime, and anywhere. They hide in the shadows of our minds and occasionally rear their heads in times of vulnerability. However, we always choose to push these warnings aside and persist with our “goals” and “dreams”. So I encourage you to think of them now and adjust the things that are propelling you towards this regretful path. Because, unlike the people who contributed to this list, you still can.
Bronnie Ware is the woman to thank for this week’s inspiration. She is an Australian nurse who has worked many years in palliative care. As a result, she was exposed to many patients during the last weeks of their lives. Ware became close to many of these patients and discovered 5 common themes that resurfaced again and again as the patients came closer each day to their respective departures. She shared these findings in her book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which is what motivated me to write this article.
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret amongst all the patients. When they looked back on the paths they took and didn’t take, they started to realize that they failed to honour their real dreams. At this point, it’s too late and their only choice left is eventual acceptance. In our daily lives and at Osgoode, we are constantly pushed towards certain decisions despite our hesitations. We do this often because it seems to be the best way to succeed, because our peers are all heading down that path, or because it’s simply the easiest way. I am also guilty of this thinking and can’t blame anyone but myself if I end up working 80-hour weeks because I was the one who forced myself to do so. But I’m starting to realize that this is not my dream (if it can be considered a dream at all); I’m living someone else’s.
I don’t think you need to overhaul your entire planned path to live a life true to yourself, because some things are simply unavoidable (you have to work to eat don’t you?). I think it’s more about finding a balance. Give yourself the opportunity to realize some of your dreams along the way. And don’t postpone; do it when you have the advantage of health. As Ware so aptly put it, “health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
I wish I didn’t work so hard
This was a more prominent regret for male patients than their female counterparts and those in the law profession may be even more susceptible to this than the average person. While Ware speaks about people missing their children’s youth and partner’s companionship, I’d like to highlight the forgone opportunities of friendship, enjoyment and fun. I think many of us are already guilty of this now. Studying at Osgoode is stressful and competitive, especially when your entire future seems to be based on the grades you receive. So our solution is to work and then work some more. If the mere possibility of “beating the curve” is worth it to you, I am probably not able to convince you otherwise; but for those of you who want something else, look up, go out, and do what you actually enjoy. Is it possible that you don’t need straight A’s? Is it possible that you’d rather be happy than study yourself to oblivion? When you create more space in your life, you become open to opportunities that would never have gotten your attention when you were deep in the trenches. And who knows, one of these opportunities may lead you to a job that is even greater and more suitable to your new lifestyle. The books may get you the grades, but it’s people who give and get you jobs, so don’t forget about the people, including your peers.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
We often suppress our feelings in order to keep the peace. At Osgoode, we are constantly reminded that the legal profession is very small, our peers are very likely our future colleagues, word travels fast, reputations are easily ruined, and hard to rebuild. These friendly hints make it especially difficult to speak openly and honestly, resulting in unnecessary gossip, misunderstandings, and bitterness. I think we are taking these reminders too far; it’s not telling us to say nothing, but to be courteous and professional in expressing our opinions and feelings (Jessica White anyone?). And you’d be surprised how receptive people can be when you bring a concern to their attention. We tend to exaggerate the negative consequences in our minds and thus avoid all confrontations, but speaking up may actually strengthen a friendship as well as release the your own pent-up frustration.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
This theme relates to the second, but also speaks to the tendency for people to become so absorbed and caught up in their own lives that they let their friendships slip by. When I look back on my best memories, they are always the ones where I had been with great friends. But as everyone’s lives get busier and more career-focused, it’s become harder to reconvene and relive those moments. It also probably won’t get better as time goes on. Nevertheless, I have always believed that you make time for the things you care about. For example, I could have a final exam tomorrow but still somehow catch up on the latest episodes of Suits. It’s just about making the effort to do so. And friends are definitely more important than Suits.
I wish I had let myself be happier
Happiness is a choice and you should choose to do more of what makes you happy. People say money doesn’t bring happiness; I disagree (I think winning the lottery could help us all out right now). But money, once you have achieved a comfortable (not extravagant) lifestyle, does not add much more to your happiness. Yes, it’s important to study and get an awesome paying job, but there’s a reason why so many people leave once they have reached the threshold of enough. Money brings happiness, but there are simply many other things that bring you even more happiness. And don’t you want more of that? Unfortunately, we are also creatures of habit, so it becomes daunting to venture out and break the pattern. However, this “comfort” and “familiarity” that you hold so tightly to may actually be hindering your personal growth and joy. Don’t be in denial; don’t pretend; and do search for laughter and silliness again.
“Life is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously, choose wifely, choose honestly. Choose happiness”
Bonnie Ware