This cold weather seems to be never-ending. So, comfort food was back on the menu in a big way this week. Hold onto your butts and give thanks, Osgoode. Meaty buns are front of mind in Midtown at Holy Chuck.
Venue: Holy Chuck – 1450 Yonge Street (just south of St. Clair station)
Cuisine: Burgers
Food: Luke went for “The Big Chuck” ($10.99), which is HC’s take on a big mac, and rounded things out with some onion rings ($4.79). Pun acknowledged. Dan, avec gusto, dug into “Le Croissant du Paysan” ($12.99). Effectively a breakfast sandwich burger, the standard brisket patty also has French fries inside the sandwich along with bacon, cheese, and a fried egg! This tasty morsel is nestled between two toasted croissants dripping with maple syrup. Yikes. Just for fun he also got “Raging Bull” fries ($7.99), a basket of fries smothered in bacon, processed cheese, sauteed banana peppers and spicy gravy.
LLBO Licensed? No, unfortunately. However, a Coca-Cola “Freestyle” machine is a recent addition. This futuristic thirst quencher allows patrons to choose from among ~50 different varieties of fountain pop. We tried Hi-C Grape, Fanta Raspberry, Tibb (sort of like Dr. Pepper), as well as some standard offerings like Barq’s Rootbeer and Diet Coke. Do you even free refill, bro?
The Pick:
Dan: So after last week’s column I figured it was reasonable to bring us back toward my comfort zone, namely Toronto hipster-elite locales. In honor of finishing my OPIR requirement, this week I wanted somewhere that offered meat-centric experiential education opportunities. Holy Chuck was an easy pick.
Luke: We have ventured to various cuisine corners this year but it is indeed good to be back to the familiar land of meat, cheese, and 1500+ calorie meals!
Dan: Well said.
At the restaurant:
Luke: My God, the menu is impressive. There are so many interesting options — like a double cheeseburger between BLTs or bleu ball beef patties topped with Agur blue cheese — that I struggled to choose.
Dan: Check out the Coca-Cola “Freestyle” machine! I’ve heard about these from some intrepid traveller 3Ls! I don’t even like pop, but I will make an exception for our readers and just get weird with this machine. The touch screen menu is blowing my mind. Nine varieties of Fanta?
Luke: I was also enthused about the pop machine, especially the all-you-can-drink part. I made swamp water (Orange Fanta+Root beer+Dr Pepper is a good formula) like I was at Ponderosa buffet restaurant circa 1998.
The Food:
Dan: I love this place. Even without drinking swamp water I always feel a bit sick when I leave, but that is completely expected (just look at what I ordered). My sandwich was unbelievable. The syrup soaked croissants were a bit much but honestly it was pretty well the ideal brunch sandwich. The egg/beef patty/fries/bacon collabo combined to make this a well-balanced holy matrimony of lunch and breakfast. The overall texture was glorious, and the yolk from the fried egg really tied the entire thing together.
Luke: Yes. I certainly wouldn’t recommend coming here unless your tolerance for grease is as well-established as Dan’s tolerance for whiskey. Fortunately, we’ve both had plenty of burger joint experience. I think Holy Chuck finds the perfect sweet spot on the spectrum: it makes inventive use of toppings without losing focus on the patties and backyard BBQ flavour. My Big Chuck, for example, featured a spicier version of Big Mac sauce and perfectly tender patties between simple buns and traditional single-sliced cheese. The sides were less remarkable, though, didn’t you think?
Dan: You’re right on with both points. I regrettably went for the Rambo selection and got these hot sauce “Raging Bull” fries. They were a bit of a disaster. Too spicy, in the way that makes you know you’ll be paying for it later. Harsh. How were the rings? It seems like the whole sharing concept went out the window once you took possession of those onion chattels…
Luke: I assumed my deep chesty cough would deter your desire to share! That, and those fries were not very tempting. They had the wrong kind of heat. The rings weren’t much better: thin, thawed and bland. I’m torn on the sides issue. On the one hand, the burgers are so sublime (and rich) that sides seem redundant. On the other hand, when you’re already neck deep in indulgence, why not add thick cut rings or proper poutine?
Dan: Come to think of it, maybe we just made poor choices today on the sides. I was here on Super Bowl Sunday for Toronto Poutine week, and the rendition HC put together was a life-changing event. It had Brie and bone marrow, the equivalent of a culinary mic drop.
Luke: Braggart.
Amenities and service:
Dan: Though we didn’t participate, the “Go Chuck Yourself” challenge looms large at HC. The challenge is a six patty, uber-decker burger and milkshake combo – to be consumed in 6 minutes or less (for free if completed successfully). An entire wall of photographed heroes (sic) and their times (some as low as 2.5 minutes!!) graced the wall beside our table. Don’t even try between 11am and 2:30 pm though. This place gets too packed.
Luke: When I was 18 I could have pushed that record without taking years off of my life. At this point, just eating “The Big Chuck” gave me serious meat sweats. In terms of logistical infrastructure HC’s kitchen is a model of efficiency, and the bathroom was very clean and modern.
Dan: Bathroom banter. Classic Luke. They weren’t THAT nice. On the service side, I liked the counter ordering system, and that guests self-help themselves to a table. Classic eat-what-you-kill lawyer shit. I also absolutely loved that Holy Chuck asks if you’re okay with your burger done medium or if you’d rather it be cooked more. That is how you know you’re in a real burger shack.
Luke: I will spare our readers my rant about the irrational distinction between doneness in burgers versus steaks, but I totally agree. There is no place for grey puck-like patties at a proper burger establishment and Holy Chuck might just make the best burgers in Toronto.
Score:
Dan: Food: 4, Service: 4, Atmosphere: 3
Luke: Food: 4.5, Service: 4, Atmosphere:3.5
Overall: 4 sossbosses out of 5! #wellsmashmypattyandcallmesossy