Laugh now, cry later, Osgoode. This is our 3L swan song, our last dance. And we’ve saved this dance for you. After today, we’re handing off the column to our successor contributors, who we hope will continue in our stead by leaving a trail of steaming culinary justice across the GTA.
Goodman’s Bistro:
Dan: No analysis of campus food options would be complete without mentioning the Aramark-run abomination that is the bistro. I take umbrage with almost everything this place does. My only positive is interacting with the staff, who are all friendly and mostly free of responsibility for the bistro’s failures. A special shout-out to Alice the afternoon cashier, she’s a gem. Unfortunately Rodolfo et al. don’t serve alcohol but you can slake your thirst and fulfill your JCRticling requirement across Gowlings Hall on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons.
Luke: Dan! Are you taking shots at our organic, sustainable, and artisanal eatery? That’s how it was pitched to me on Welcome Day anyway… I too have many tales about plastic fork fees, expired tuna sandwiches and tepid tea water. Alas, out of respect for Rodolfo, and in light of the scores of noodle stir-frys I ate in first year, I think we should focus elsewhere!
Dan: Alright then. To the Lanes!
York Lanes Food Court:
The Islands:
Dan: Jerk chicken from this place is fantastic. The sauce is rich and the spiciness is on point. Pro tip: ask for gravy from the oxtail dish poured over your lunch special: a few pieces of chicken, rice and coleslaw for less than $5.
Luke: We’re on the same page here. The chicken is tender and has perfect texture. You get a huge portion for that price. Cons: lineups get to be an issue, and you might get shot.
The Underground: AGCO Licensed
Dan: If an afternoon adult beverage and some terrible service is your thing, look no further. Wings, burgers, flat bread etc. are the offerings here, along with York’s best-stocked bar (sorry Zorn). The food is okay, but maybe stick to drinking.
Luke: I’ve have had zero good experiences here. Food should be grown underground Danny, not eaten there! Slow service, limp flavours and general staff indifference.
Sushi Mac:
Luke: Now we’re talking! I can’t understand why people line up for crappy burgers and horrifying Thai food when Sushi Mac is right upstairs from the hectic food court. The sushi is made right before your eyes with obvious aplomb. After 5:00 pm it’s half price! It’s as good as anything in its (York inflation-adjusted) price range that I’ve had downtown. For a healthy soda alternative, try the canned cold green tea.
Dan: The economic concept is just washing over me; half-price-late-night-fish, what could go wrong? Let’s move on to the actual mall area.
York Lanes Mall:
La Prep:
Luke: Costco-style mass produced sides dishes and bath water soups! Did I nonetheless spend $500 bucks here over the past 3 years? Yes I did. Mostly on fresh squeezed OJ (passable) and grilled cheese with granny smith apples (decent).
Dan: In my opinion one of the biggest rip-offs on campus. Healthy? I guess. Expensive? Better believe it. A small sandwich and two sides will set you back $11.
Sakura Japanese:
Luke: We’re a long way from Kinton Ramen, and much like the two of us in property law, Sakura Japanese is riding the B curve. Drop spicy peanuts and veggie tempura right in your soup.
Dan: I’ve eaten here a few times, all of them before I discovered Indian Flavour next door and Sushi Mac upstairs. Do yourself a favour and use my upper year summary.
Berries & Blooms (York Lanes):
Luke: When you told me the name of this place I thought perhaps wedding bells were finally going to ring for you and Lindsay, and you wanted my opinion on centrepieces.
Dan: Ha, nooope. Say hello to a huge lineup, as students pack their platters from the buffet. But steer clear of the massive pile of cottage cheese and alpha your way to the front, where the second, “secret” lineup starts. This is where the $5 sandwiches happen, probably the best lunch deal on campus. I only discovered this place this January (props to Alex Payne), leading to an existential crisis over where my lunch money had been going the past 3 years.
Luke: It’s hard to imagine a less efficient way to run a takeout joint, but you’re right, the sandwiches are very solid.
Indian Flavour:
Dan: I love this place. Tons of food for $7 via the daily special. Lots of vegetarian options if that’s your jam, and rarely a line. Do not miss out on the cabbage masala. For reals.
Luke: I am loath to eat Indian food in malls generally, so the idea of eating butter chicken at a place across from a doctor’s office did not appeal to me. You were right though, this place is the real deal, with a great mixture of authentic and North Americanized dishes. Now let’s move on to places outside the mall.
Freshii (Computer Science & Engineering Building)
Luke: Freshii demonstrates a common theme in York cuisine: same franchise brand as off-campus, but way worse. Anywhere else Freshii is a good place to get a tasty, healthy lunch. On campus, however, the same menu items transform into Soviet factory cafeteria delights.
Dan: I blame corporate America, mostly because they’re an easy target. Plus side: Undergraduates seem to prefer Wendy’s so this place is never busy.
Absinthe Pub (Basement of Winters College): AGCO Licensed
Luke: Let’s venture across campus to enjoy the patio and a cold beer. Wait, do York undergrads actually drink on campus? Do not order anything to eat – unless you want to harken back to the culinary treats you made in your first year common room microwave.
Dan: A stalwart favourite of the Passy crew when we were in 1L, the “Ab” is a true campus dive. Don’t bother ordering a nice import draft, because no one else does and the keg is likely a month old. Stick to cheap and domestic and play some darts. Great sheltered patio for warm weather.
The Orange Snail (in the basement of Stong College): AGCO Licensed
Dan: Hell yes. And finally we arrive at my favourite spot. This place is a hidden treasure, and I do mean hidden. Cheap and never really busy (like a 3L close to their line of credit limit), and the friendly staff have found a place in my heart. Great patio in the warm months, the Snail is a go-to in early fall and after exams. Have a Red Stripe to go with your Jerk Chicken Roti, and watch soap operas with the owner.
Luke: It is embarrassing that we didn’t find the Snail until 2L. The roti and the fish cakes are the perfect foods to sustain you through York’s Game of Thrones-style winter. The self-serve homemade casseroles and salads are obvious winners. Why is a similar buffet not available at Osgoode’s bistro?
Overall York Campus Score:
Dan: food: 2, service: 3, atmosphere: windy cement
Luke: food: 3, service: 2.5, atmosphere: Ha!
Overall: LOL sossbosses out of 5
So that’s it. Our glorious arrangement, which we never dreamed the Obiter would accept, has run its course. It’s been a great experience, and we want to thank you, dear readers, for your kind feedback and hearty chortles at our expense. Remember: stay healthy, stay hungry, and don’t forget to tip your server. *rides off into sunset*