Selfish or Selfless?
I was never very interested in volunteering. Chalk it up to my pessimism or nihilism, or simply to the fact that I thought that people should help themselves and persevere through sheer willpower. I didn’t volunteer to answer questions in class, nor took the popular avenue of padding my resume. I completed my volunteer hours in high school through an involvement with the Air Cadets, but I essentially stopped at the bare minimum. I didn’t give my time to those less fortunate, and instead spent time relaxing or working. I was barely involved in my undergrad, and joined a few clubs to make sure that I had more than just marks to show after four years – but I typically joined as a member, and attended one event if any.
Then, after graduating, I was invited to put together a Marketing 101 class for a group of students in grades nine through twelve who were volunteering for the Red Cross and attempting to raise money. To be fair, I found the experience worthwhile and enjoyable, if only because I got to be the centre of attention with everyone listening to me. I suppose I should have known then I wanted to go to law school, but this was my first foray into being involved in the community.
This year, I discovered what it means to truly give back. Sure, I wrote for the school paper, was involved in a club, and had my personal life. But when I got involved in the Family Law Project, despite having no interest in family law, I was able to finally see the impact of my actions, and receive the gratitude of those who need help. That four hour commitment, while taxing because of the time commitment and commute, allowed me not only to meet passionate and involved individuals who have taught me as much about dealing with people as any of my classes, but also to feel like my work matters. I am not sure whether it is a selfish desire for recognition and acknowledgement that motivates me to go every week, or a selfless desire to help people at the worst times of their lives, but I look forward to it every week. And the stories of the clients we serve help me put my own life in perspective; to see their strength and composure in difficult times allows me to gather the courage to deal with my own day.
Everyone with whom I’ve spoken, and all the literature I’ve read, says that keeping busy allows you to do more things with your day. I believe that is absolutely true. The highlight of my week is assisting individuals in the court, which allowed me to grow personally and professionally, but also allows me to manage my time better. I am honoured to be in the presence of dedicated individuals who give their time despite us all being busy, and thinking about others rather than themselves for that chunk of time. I’ve read that there is no such thing as altruism, merely that people receive a benefit from any charitable act, whether a good feeling or a tangible benefit. I’m not sure if I’m doing it for myself or for others, or if it really matters. But giving back, the credo of the access to justice folk, and the commitment of law schools and LSUC allow me to at least feel like I’m doing some good, and becoming a better person.
If you’ve been disengaged, disinterested, and indifferent, I say volunteer, whether at PBSC, CLASP, or anything else. There are tons of opportunities out there for anyone and anything, and they run the gamut. I used to sneer at people giving their time to help those who couldn’t help themselves. I’m no longer that person; I’ve been converted. And all it took was a class of youth. On second thought, maybe I should have become a teacher instead…