It is, as we all know, impossible to change the past. It is, however, surprisingly easy to change the law. You just need an interesting enough case (for judges) or a large enough incentive (for politicians). But what about using the law to alter the past?
When this correspondent received a letter from St. Hushar, Koizumi, and Hochstapler LLP detailing their experiments in metaphysical law, well, let me just tell you he was rather confused and a little frightened. Your correspondent, good readers, is something of a shut-in. Suffering from a crippling lack of self-confidence, he has secluded himself from all places and people over the past year and a half. Nevertheless, a story is a story.
It’s almost certain that most legal firms don’t have particle accelerators taking up most of their space. Your correspondent hasn’t seen very many just yet.
St. Hushar, Koizumi, and Hochstapler – founded in 1871 by St. Hushar, a solicitor canonized by the Qhuric Heterodoxy in the late 19th Century; Koizumi Shinzo, the last survivor of the Sōhei warrior monks; and a Métis particle physicist named Mark Hochstapler – do very specialized legal research, it seems. The fundamental basis for their work is one of the unwritten rules of the Constitution Act, 1867 – that all laws shall be prospective and not retroactive. And of course, every legal student who’s had to take State and Citizen or an equivalent class knows that one needs to account for the mindset of the law’s original creators. It is their understanding that, based on the fundamentals of legal hyper-physics, a law may therefore exist in potentia at any time, and only becomes set in stone to exist or not to exist once it is written down. That’s Schrödinger’s Law, as St. Hushar explained it to me (or at least the Abbot did). However, a law may be considered part of the finished space-time continuum.
Therefore, finished Janet Koizumi, if one were to alter the documents that the laws were written on using such techniques that the law was never written upon it in the first place – i.e. using tachyonic sub-emitters and gyakusetsu calligraphy – one could hypothetically break the retroactivity barrier and alter history accordingly; or even, hypothetically, one could travel back in time to where the law was being made.
Utter claptrap, obviously. But they’ve arranged a demonstration for next month, and this reporter has unfortunately made a commitment to visit again…