Say hello to the newest regular part of the satire section: Obits. A place for death notices for things we’re glad have died or wish were dead already. A bite-sized fuck-you-logy, if you will. If there’s something you’d like to see go, please send your recommendations to satire@obiter-dicta.ca.
Angry Frenchman Dies Shooting Himself in the Foot
On Monday October 21, 2019 at 11PM Maxime Bernier’s political career was declared dead. Mr. Bernier is survived by his closest living relative, Maxime Bernier of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada. Until a new Peoples Party Candidate’s career comes of age, the racist vote has reverted to the Conservatives in trust. The coroner ruled death was accidental, Mr. Bernier’s career having bleed out after he shot himself in the foot after losing leadership of the conservative party to Andrew Sheer. Unable to find a blood donor with a value match, Mr. Bernier spent the last several months attempting to self-medicate by taking the red pill. His career is mourned by literally dozens across the country. In lieu of flowers mourners are asked to press F to pay respects.
MyCareer is Dead
MyCareer was declared dead at 5pm on Wednesday November 6th, when Toronto firms made their job offers to law students across Canada, leaving MyCareer completely empty with no hope of receiving another offer. Although members of the CDO tried to resuscitate MyCareer, it became clear that there was no way that MyCareer could be saved by a personal injury job in Barrie. The wake for MyCareer will be hosted by Lisa Dufremont and Mya Ramon at the next Academic Success SessionTM.
Examsoft on Life Support
It is with great regret that we announce Examsoft hasn’t quite died yet. Despite its best efforts to pass away from “natural causes” during exams, administrators have kept the program on life support. At press time, Examsoft was plugged in but not working. Customer Service has shown no sign of brain activity in some time. Moreover, Examsoft has been overworking the orderlies by constantly shitting the bed. If there was ever a case of software conduct that would amount to a constructive DNR, this would be it. Examsoft has no will to live. Many are grieving its subscription renewal. As such, visitations will continue in both December and April. In lieu of flowers, Examplify asks that you send gullible institutions to:
ExamSoft Worldwide, Inc.
3600 FAU Blvd.
Suite 205
Boca Raton, FL 33431