| In a bid to wrestle with burnout, I hit the road |
As I neared the end of last term, searching deep within the cavernous depths of my being for a morsel of urgency in catching up on the Public International Law class I had let slip for a slew of reasons, I came to a conclusion. It wasn’t so much that I lacked an interest in what was an interesting topic (as poorly as it may have been taught,) but that I was burnt out. While law school is many positive things — a bastion of knowledge, an opportunity to rub shoulders with bright faculty and colleagues — a healthy environment for stopping to take stock of one’s overall well-being it is not. Even outside the confines of its walls, the pressure to succeed can feel stifling (I say this as someone who found the time to watch all of Sex and the City in 2L when I probably should have been revising Tax Law and Real Estate Transactions – caveat emptor indeed!)
When I stopped berating myself for not ascribing to whatever ridiculous standard I aspire to across all facets of life, I realized I had been through the ringer since the onset of the pandemic. Whether it was a quite debilitating breakup, or a head over handlebars bike crash on Spadina that came ridiculously close to breaking my neck, I’d had a lot thrown at me, as I’m sure many of you have. It was only when I thought about the last time I had taken a proper vacation being in 2019 that I realized I desperately needed to get away.
So, with my line of credit in tow (thanks Scotia), I dove into Airbnb listings instead of crafting summaries. I didn’t have to look long before my eyes lit up at the sight of a 1920’s cottage in Napanee, Ontario. With a lakeside view and a fireplace, the charming abode looked like just what I needed to replenish my sorely depleted spirits and gain some semblance of life back behind my eyes, so I booked a 5-night stay despite a pretty heavy price tag – you can’t put a price on mental health (but you can on the deficit of it – just look up your law school tuition.) Having packed more books than I could probably read in a bid to emulate the Sleepytime tea bear, I set off in my rented Elantra (all the Wraiths were taken unfortunately) down the 401, with Jacques Greene’s Anth01 lending my 3-hour drive a cinematic quality. I only almost died once when some bellend decided to drive without his headlights on and snuck up on my blind spot as I was changing lanes.
Arriving at the peaceful estate after making my way down the wooded country road leading up to it, I hurriedly unpacked to find a fire already blazing in the hearth. Gazing out over the lake from the kitchen with a steaming coffee and a beautiful ladyfinger (or three) accompanying it, I felt a reprieve of which I hadn’t in years. From 1L’s start until then, a part of my mind had always been cast to the future, constantly conjuring goalposts that, once reached, would result in my happiness – the only problem was that they were ever shifting, rendering happiness no nearer. It doesn’t take a great armchair philosopher to recognize that such a rat-race approach to life will hardly result in any sort of contentment in the short-term or long-term, but I had found it so difficult to divest myself from those soul-crushing metrics while still mired in either school or work. Even though I’d brought a huge stack of books with me, I didn’t get to all of them. I spent a lot of the trip trudging around the grounds amidst the greenery just enjoying the silence, or watching some of the host’s ridiculous DVD collection with the fire-blazing (Mama Mia had never hit so hard!) The lone moment of stress came when I had to put the rental’s all season tires to the test in a snowstorm to replenish my groceries and found the “all” in “all seasons” is quite subjective and doesn’t prevent your car in sliding around in terrifying fashion.
My little holiday of rest and relaxation (shoutsout Ottessa Moshfegh) did wonders for me. I’d encourage all of you to check in with yourselves and take a break if need be – it might feel illicit given the amount of work we’re all constantly strapped with, but it’ll prove vital in ensuring you’re sound of both body and mind, not just for the purposes of being productive, but of enjoying life.
