Note: For those readers looking for more information on the Jake Paul and David Dobrik apologies, please note that they discuss suicide and sexual assault, respectively.
In a previous article, I briefly addressed my proclivity for YouTuber apology videos and while I do not engage with the content created by those mentioned in this article, I find their apologies fascinating. This is still an honest (and embarrassing) truth, and over the break I spent countless hours in the bowels of YouTube watching videos about wilderness survival, urban exploration, and the Napoleonic wars to name a few topics. However amusing, disturbing, and informative the content on the site can be, nothing is quite as bizarre as an apology video.
Canadians are known across the globe for being apologetic, or at the very least, known for saying “sorry” in excess. No matter how you say it (“sow-ry” or “sarry”), I am sure that you too—honourable reader—say sorry a fair bit. Pay a little attention and you will notice people around you saying sorry for just about anything short of and including an actual transgression. But what does it mean to say sorry? Is it an apology, or is it a simple social nicety akin to asking a barista how their day has been without waiting for a response? Such are the fool’s games I play in my mind as I try to fall asleep on a windy December night.
In my contract law course last semester, we were asked to draft an apology letter and I was quite embarrassed to learn for the first time that an apology has three acknowledgments: (1) one of having done something wrong, (2) one of the suffering caused by the wrong and (3) one that the apologizer will not recommit the wrong in the future. Many may already be keenly aware of an apology’s concrete requirements, and for others, these components are likely intuitive.
Over the break, I thought a fair bit about the nature of an apology, especially when they are made by public figures. YouTube apologies are notoriously evasive, unaccountable, and divisive. If the components of an apology are intuitive, why are honest apologies seldom made when public figures commit wrongs? For most, I am sure that the answer is clear: Honest apologies are difficult, and an apology is an admission of guilt where guilt is generally not constructive to one’s public image depending on the degree of the wrong.
For many public figures, especially those who have become accustomed to a certain degree of affluence, visibility, and power, their apologies are a depressing caricature of what they should be. Often, they are the antithesis of an apology; blaming others, blaming the victim for their idea of what constitutes a “wrong” and/or filtering an apology through a third party. It does not take a public relations expert to recognize that an empty apology does the very opposite of reconciliation, so why do it?
The most apparent consideration is public image. In the hours of YouTube apologies I have consumed, there is a common trend of apologizing to one’s viewers and fans rather than the victims. Sadly, this type of apology is incentivized as viewers are responsible for a YouTuber’s income and visibility. But in doing so, Youtubers lose their chance of reconciliation with a victim and lose any number of viewers who see through their illusion of “accountability.” Conversely, many viewers will stand firmly behind these people, convinced that there was no harm and furious that a victim would come forward to hold their favourite YouTuber accountable.
Jake Paul, a popular YouTuber whose content is grating, hyperactive, and tailored to a lucrative market of children viewers, has committed a number of wrongs requiring public apologies. The most notable involved an abhorrent video posted to his channel in late 2017. He was widely criticized for his colossal lapse in judgment and insensitivity for the sake of viewership, especially given his viewer demographic. Shortly after, he made a teary-eyed apology video, acknowledged his wrong and the harm it caused while promising to do better in the future.
Even before Paul’s apology, many of his fans were lashing out at critics for their condemnation of his behaviour, which highlights something addressed earlier: Public figures often apologize to fans instead of victims, especially when they will act as “good character” militia on their behalf. Paul’s apology also points to another interesting feature of apologies, where some acts are so terrible that an apology will not suffice. In recognizing that, I would even say that there is a fourth element of an apology: A recognition and acceptance of the victim’s agency over their own forgiveness.
Another often ignored element of an apology is the element of time. Simply put, an apology should be made promptly if one wishes to seek reconciliation. This is best exemplified by YouTuber David Dobrik’s apology in 2021, released after a number of his major sponsors and advertisers dropped him due to the controversy. Critics justifiably scrutinized his delay as being driven by financial interests instead of reconciliation. Aside from the delay, Dobrik’s apology was evasive and tried to displace blame, while failing to recognize the environment his content did and continues to create.
Apologies can be nuanced, emotional, and difficult. At times, it is not easy to admit that you did something wrong, but this difficulty is a necessary feature of apologies. An apology is an act of reconciliation, a promise that you will be more mindful of others when deciding what to do or say. Sometimes this requires personal change which is not without its own difficulties. Generally, a “sorry” will suffice, but other times you will have to have a hard conversation about yourself and your relationship with someone else.
In life and in law school, the words you use to communicate gratitude, frustration, and joy (to name a few emotions) are very important. Certainly, many words do not warrant more than a cursory thought, but the concept of an apology is ripe for consideration. I, for one, will never stop saying sorry indiscriminately, but will definitely refer to YouTube for what not to do when making my next apology.