OSGOODE HALL (The Other One)—It was another quiet morning on The Pond Road when the terrible news came to light that Mollie Mae’s American Express card was declined as she tried to secure seats on her Air Canada flight. Mollie, a 3L well past the point of caring, had been planning to visit New Orleans during the week before her first exam. This would have been Mollie’s seventh holiday of the winter semester, but her only destination now is disappointment.
Widespread concern around campus abounded as news of Mollie’s cancelled getaway spread, first shared through an Instagram Story with a picture of Mollie pointed up at the ceiling in a dark room with her head’s silhouette dimly lit by a weak lamp just off-screen. The caption: “soooooo upset rn, looks like ill have to settle for a daytrip to Montreal ugh.” Students all around the law school expressed worry at one of their own maxing out her credit card this soon. “You don’t have enough air miles from your last six breaks???” one student commented. Most were simply surprised that it was possible for a law student who complains about being broke all the time while living it up to actually be short of money.
Even the school administration has taken an interest. Osgoode is now concerned that students are not neglecting 3L as much as they should. “This trend bodes ill for incoming 3L cohorts,” said one of the Deans whose full title we forgot. “Third Year is a time where students should be jaded by the experience, doing everything they can to minimize their time on campus. If they can’t take as many vacations as there are weeks in the semester, then upper year attendance could increase, and people would realize there aren’t enough seats in the lecture halls to accommodate full capacity!”
Obiter spoke to Foster H. Red of Osgoode Student Financial Services, who wished to remain anonymous. Red, who knows more about students’ personal finances than anyone else, suspects that ‘vacation deflation’ is at play. “The average law student used to go on vacation at least nine times per semester. The drop we have now might have something to do with the increase in visits to cute restaurants in the city for the ‘gram. It looks like law students today might have to choose between which unsustainably chic lifestyle they want to keep up.” Red refused to comment on why I could not get a bursary.
Mollie Mae had only taken trips to Miami, New York, Madrid, London, Athens, and Wichita so far this term. She is now worried that her uninterrupted travel hypnosis will be broken by the humdrum of the Securities Regulation lecture she has to attend. “It’s a catastrophe. I’ve asked my parents for some more cash,” Mollie told Obiter. “Worse comes to worst, I’ll borrow from my loan shark.” When asked about who her “loan shark” is, Mollie clarified that she meant her “student line of credit.”
With upper year students like Mollie losing more windows to get away via the non-stop shuffle of summering away from this dreary campus, it may seem like they might actually have to start attending class.