MAXIMILIAN PATERSON
<Arts & Culture Editor>
Are you stressed yet?! Well, you will be! That’s right, the semester is almost over and all that studying and note compiling you haven’t done since the first week of September has now come to bite you in the brain. I bet you barely have enough time to read this article!
We at the Obiter Dicta Arts & Culture Section are here to tell you that there is plenty of light at the end of the tunnel. It is important to relieve stress during these harrowing times, but we do not support stress relief through the traditional methods of weeping, lashing out at loved ones, or alcoholism. We suggest more serene methods of relaxing, like watching movies. That is why we are constantly reminding anxiety ridden 1L’s that when all of this exam period madness is over, there will be plenty of sweatpants, gluttony, and holiday cheer to make them feel like real humans again. That is why we have compiled a list of some of the most beloved holiday flicks available. Think of this as our way of letting you know that “it gets better.” So here are some movies for you to watch when you can’t possibly look at another dissenting opinion, or when you walk away from your last exam and throw your summaries away. So put on your worst Christmas sweater, make some hot chocolate and stack up the gingerbread cookies, because these movies will lull you into the first long winter’s nap that won’t result in intensive teeth grinding.
Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
This is a classic. It is pretty much the patron holiday movie for all people living in bachelor or one-bedroom apartments. This is because the only Christmas tree you can get your hands on is closer to resembling a twig than a tree, and there is usually a really dirty kid hanging around playing an upright bass (I live in a weird apartment). Also, Vince Guaraldi’s soundtrack to this film is holiday gold!
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (animation 1966 – live action 2000)
There are really two versions of this movie, the animated version and the live action version by Ron Howard featuring Jim Carrey. Both are excellent choices for snuggling up and watching on a cold winter’s night and both contain the amazing “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch…” song. This movie is a crowd pleaser and there are jokes for everyone, the tall and the small.
Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
The debate has never been concluded whether this movie belongs in the Halloween or Christmas category. I don’t see why this movie can’t fall into both categories. Either way, it’s so good it lets even the most militant fans forgive Tim Burton for Dark Shadows and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Yup! Ernest does it again! This time he starts the movie as a taxi driver who rushes a client to the airport. After mowing down some Asian businessman’s luggage, he makes a quick getaway with Santa Claus in tow. You can imagine the madness that ensues! Watch this classic for a good chuckle and a lot of quirky Ernest mishaps.
A Christmas Story (1983)
This movie is the story of a child’s relentless quest to obtain a gun, and a father’s unhealthy obsession with sexually suggestive home furnishing. The Obiter does not condone child soldiery, nor the collection of lusty housewares.
Die Hard (1988)
There is no reason why an action movie can’t also be a holiday movie. In my books, John McClane is right up there with Rudolph and Frosty for the all-time most beloved holiday characters. This is a great movie to watch with a deep bowl of eggnog and a deeper bottle of whiskey. This is also a great movie to prepare us all for the realities of the careers that await us. We can all look forward to spending December 24th at a booze drenched holiday party trying to protect our clients from losing hundreds of millions of dollars and never seeing our kids.
Jack Frost (1998)
Basically Michael Keaton is a musician who dies and his soul is transferred into a snowman so that he can help (read: haunt) his son. The shocking part is that this isn’t the darkest film with this title. One year earlier, in 1997, a movie called “Jack Frost” was made that chronicled the life of a serial killer who was genetically mutated into a killer snowman. Each of the movies feature a main character that is very poorly constructed with special effects, and both movies follow equally unwatchable plots. The only difference is whether you want to sit through an hour and a half of cheesy Christmas themed murders, or Michael Keaton as a snowman. Your choice.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Singing Muppets. Michael Caine. Rizzo the Rat. Tiny Tim. Everyone wins with this movie.
Miracle on 34th Street (1947, 1994)
Both versions of this movie are endearing and heartfelt. The only difference is that the newer version has Matilda and the old guy from Jurassic Park in it. The newer one also has a very hunky Dylan McDermott, and he plays a lawyer. Talk about a dreamy holiday!
Home Alone (1990)
Nothing short of magical. Thanks, John Hughes and Chris Columbus.
Elf (2003)
“I like smiling, smiling’s my favourite.”
“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favourite colour?”
“You stink, you smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa”
‘Nuff said.
Rare Exports (2010)
If you are looking for a thrill this holiday, look no further than this Scandinavian horror flick. After a deep, horrible secret is uncovered by a mining company in Finland, it is up to a band of rural hunters to get to the bottom of whether Santa is naughty or nice. (Spoiler alert: he’s naughty!)
Family Stone (2005)
My mom really likes this movie. I can see the charm in it because it has Luke Wilson. He’s so charming that if you filmed him doing his taxes for 3 hours, people will still blush and make comments about how whimsical he is. This movie also has two of my favourite leading ladies in it: Claire Danes and Rachel McAdams. If you don’t cry at the end of this movie, then it’s quite possible that you have no soul.
It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)
This movie IS Christmas.
Trading Places (1983)
Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd have their lives traded by older rich men for a bet. Basically this movie turns out to be a social experiment that backfires. There are two memorable scenes from this movie. The first is when Jamie Lee Curtis (who plays a prostitute with a heart of gold) takes off her top, and the second is when Dan Aykroyd dresses up as Santa and steals a smoked salmon at a party hosted by the business that fired him.
The Santa Clause (1994)
Tim Allen turns into Santa Claus after the original Santa dies by falling off his roof (a personal injury lawyer would have a field day with this one). He then gets fat and is wanted by the police. I feel like there is a joke here, but I can’t think of one right now…oh wait! Why don’t we just call this “The Amanda Bynes Movie”…zinger!
Either way, hopefully at least one of these movies can ease up some of your stress either now, or when all of your exams are through. From everyone at the Obiter we wish you a very happy exam break, and even happier holidays!