Awkward Confessions from a Mostly-Reformed Dope Fiend
Justin Trudeau’s plan to legalize marijuana possession has created quite the stir in the last year or so, and frankly, it’s about time we unscheduled the stuff. I don’t actually have much of a dog in this particular fight. I’m not going to be a blatant liar and say I don’t ever partake, but to say legalization would have any impact on my day-to-day life would be similarly dishonest. Truth be told, anything more than a couple of puffs makes me ridiculously paranoid, and while I understand it’s a more enjoyable buzz for a lot of people, I could generally take it or leave it. My personal affinity—or lack thereof—for the chronic ultimately has nothing to do with my desire to see it legalized, legitimized, or sold at the local LCBO and/or corner store. Basically, I want to see it unscheduled for two very simple reasons, and even the most hardened anti-drug advocate should understand where I’m coming from here.
First, marijuana should be legalized simply because the time and cost associated with punishing pot smokers is absurd. Short of piling millions of dollars into a trash bin and setting it on fire, it’s hard to imagine a bigger waste of taxpayer money.
Second, criminalizing the use or possession of a drug mostly just makes drug dealers rich, and to be blunt (no pun intended), to hell with that.
To expand on the first point, it’s not clear how much money is spent on cannabis-related law enforcement, but one estimate—offered by MacLean’s Magazine—pegs it at around $400 million a year. Between law enforcement efforts and the basic professional and economic costs of a person being saddled with a criminal record, everything about that figure seems like a ridiculous waste. Human traffickers (better described as “modern day slavers”) thrive in Canada, but we waste hundreds of millions of dollars punishing people for using a drug that isn’t physically dangerous. I remember a former in-law ranting about marijuana use as I got drunk with her husband, wondering, “how many times have you had to drag this guy up a flight of stairs because he was stoned? Never.” At the very least, decriminalizing possession would save us a substantial amount of money, and at no point would we have to change existing laws about things like public intoxication or driving under the influence. We’d save hundreds of millions without regulating and taxing the stuff. The fact that it’s taken this long to do something this minor is nothing short of baffling.
As for my second point, I’ll admit off the bat that I do have a personal distaste for drug dealers, but it’s not just because I’ve known more than one dealer who has sold me some bunk pills or lousy ditch weed. Part of buying drugs off street dealers is knowing that there’s a good chance you’re going to get ripped off, and the truth is, worse things can happen. It’s the latter issue that makes me advocate for the legalization and regulation of almost all drugs. Though stories about laced weed are common, it’s actually unusual for dealers to spike their pot with something heavier because it simply isn’t profitable. Marijuana’s actually pretty cheap on a by-the-gram basis, so spiking it with cocaine, PCP, or especially LSD (I actually laugh out loud whenever someone suggests that’s a thing), would be pointless. They generally just sell you a batch with too many seeds or stems. Some thoughtless or sadistic dealers might be willing to prove me wrong, but they’re rare, and I’ve only heard a couple of semi-believable stories about that mostly-apocryphal “laced” pot. The truth of the matter is, when dealers lace their supply, they lace it with things that either are harmless and there to increase mass, or dangerous and there to do the same. That, or they just lie about what they’re selling. That said, the truth can be more frightening.
And this is why I advocate broad legalization of various drugs. Right now, the majority of cocaine being sold in the United States is laced with Levamisole, a deworming agent with the unsettling side effect of suppressing your body’s ability to produce white blood cells. Dealers love it because it’s hard to detect, adds mass to the product, and has a slight stimulant effect, making it a perfect filler. In my raving days, methamphetamine laced pills weren’t just common; people actively sought them out! Ten years ago, some friends came to my apartment with a vial of a so-called “mystery drug.” They bought it as ketamine, but it was clearly something completely different. Honestly, I don’t know how to go about responsibly legalizing and regulating drugs like cocaine and ketamine, but since people are going to seek the stuff out anyway—and regulation can at least prevent the supply from being adulterated with immune-system damaging veterinary drugs—it’s at least a conversation we should have.
Aside from all that, a creative dope fiend can figure out a way to catch a decent, quasi-legal buzz. A lot of drugs are legal simply because physically getting them into your system sucks. If you can suppress your gag reflex, there’s an opioid tea called “kratom” that you can buy online. It’s legitimately foul stuff, but if you’re interested in burning money on a third-rate codeine analogue, it exists, and it’s legal because it’s so disgusting it’s almost impossible to get addicted to it. Your tolerance to the opioid may rise dramatically, but you just don’t get used to choking down twenty grams of nasty powder. You can order “research chemicals” online that are basically synthetic mescaline, and while you can be legally punished for using them (because the “research” they’re supposed to be used for doesn’t involve dropping a dose and watching the walls melt), the chemists who make them alter the chemical structure so often law enforcement can barely keep up. Also, if a police officer catches you with a bag of white powder, they’ll generally just assume it’s cocaine and charge you until the test results come in. Your average cough syrup contains a drug similar to PCP. Certain flower seeds can give you an LSD-like buzz. These drugs would have wider appeal if you couldn’t get a better buzz from drinking a few beers, and the last two are most just used by teenagers who don’t have of-age friends. My point is that the law can’t even keep up with amateur users: good luck keeping up with people who know what they’re doing.
Legalizing marijuana is something we should have done years ago, and compared to half of the drugs I just listed—to say nothing of tobacco and alcohol—it’s generally quite safe. I don’t recommend its use and it’s certainly a bad drug for law students, but criminalizing it only makes criminals rich and makes relatively harmless citizens criminals. As for other illicit substances, that’s a conversation for another time, but one we certainly need to have. If people want to get high, they will get high. We don’t have to like it, but it’s about time we got used to it.