Goodbye Orbiter Dicta
On August 26th, 2019, Obiter Dicta’s latest initiative — the creation of a space program — went
down in flames when their satellite, the Orbiter Dicta, spun out of its orbit and crashed into Earth. While most of the debris burned up upon re-entering Earth’s atmosphere, the stench of the Orbiter Dicta’s sodden newsprint ignition fuel now permeates the Osgoode campus. “This isn’t the first time this campus has reeked of Obiter’s bullshit, and it won’t be the last,” said L.J., a worker at a rival publication.
Despite the short-lived operation of the Orbiter–just under four months–Obiter Dicta staff are still considering this a success. Editor-in-Chief Connor Campbell issued the following statement on behalf of Obiter: “We are pleased to announce that our misinformation campaign allowed us to successfully recruit our 2019-2020 Editors, and frankly it just wouldn’t be Obiter if we didn’t start the year off with a retraction.”
Obiter staff were last seen circled around the garbage cans in front of Osgoode, stoking a fire. It was unclear if the newspaper logs that Obiter staff were seen burning were part of some elaborate photo-op, or if the editors were testing a new source of fuel for their next rocket.