Editor’s Note: Manny, our Satire Editor, has written another great non-satirical concert review. That’s right: you are to take the following quite literally. Returning to Toronto to perform at Generator, the science expo/TEDTalk/variety show created by Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield on January 10th, TWRP headlined at the Opera House with Rich Aucoin on January 11th before starting their...
HELL—Earlier today the price of a human soul has plummeted to a record low when Osgoode student April Smith sold her soul for a B+ in Dale Lastman’s Securities class. For many in the 9 circles of Hell, this is proof of a robust economy and is encouraging others to take advantage of the situation. “You know, a decade ago, only the highest lords of Hell could afford purchasing an eternal slave, the...
TORONTO, ON—Committed to improving his physical and mental well being, junior associate Todd Abrams told his peers he was especially proud of the recent lifestyle changes he’s made since January 1st, none of which include curbing his tremendous coke habit. The answer, which went into the specific changes and the way Mr. Abrams could already feel his body responding positively provided a fulsome...
CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts, October 15 — Holding an emergency press conference, anthropologists at Harvard University somberly announced the discovery of homo influentiam cannabis; also known as the cannabis influencer. Dr. Robert Thatcher, a researcher from Harvard’s Department of Anthropology, gave the following statement: “We are terribly sorry to bring news that we have discovered a new...
Accompanying heavy metal giant Kamelot on their 2019 North America Tour, Battle Beast and Sonata Arctica performed at the Phoenix Concert Theatre on September 18th offering attendees a night of loud, furious fun. Starting off the show with a bang were Battle Beast. A pitch-black room is filled with the sound of tense orchestral music. Suspense rises as the music swells, and a pair of lights...
On September 17th, 2019, Pete Gaynor, Acting Administrator of Federal Emergency Management Agency appeared before a congressional hearing in order to procure additional funds for the Agency. Mr. Gaynor testified that Hurricane Dorian had left FEMA grossly under resourced for the release of the upcoming Joker film. Dorian, which reached its peak as a Category 5 hurricane with one-minute sustained...
Goodbye Orbiter Dicta On August 26th, 2019, Obiter Dicta’s latest initiative — the creation of a space program — went down in flames when their satellite, the Orbiter Dicta, spun out of its orbit and crashed into Earth. While most of the debris burned up upon re-entering Earth’s atmosphere, the stench of the Orbiter Dicta’s sodden newsprint ignition fuel now permeates the Osgoode campus. “This...
Over the course of August 2019, newspaper staff finally got around to cleaning Obiter Dicta’s office space for the first time in the paper’s fifty year history on Osgoode’s York campus. The cleanup, which Obiter staff were totally getting around to doing for the last half-century, was prompted by a discharge of toxic fluids emanating from the floor when Editor-in-Chief Connor Campbell tried to...
Hi, my name is Emmanuel and I’m the Satire Section Editor. Welcome to Osgoode. Sure, there may be better news publications out there, but we’ve outlived them all (our Editor-in-Chief is very happy to point out we are the longest lived law school newspaper in North America, despite our best efforts). This year’s team of writers and shit-disturbers will be responsible for bringing some cheer and...
The Osgoode Hall Law School is pleased to announce the successful launch of the Orbiter Dicta, the school’s new state-of-the-art miscommunication satellite. The launch vehicle for the satellite was the Red Rocket, installed on the York University campus in December 2017. OBITER staff were ecstatic upon seeing the satellite successfully reach orbit given the failure of the last thing the paper...