In this modern, digital age, it is a rare occurrence to receive actual, physical mail. It initially seemed like learning the postal rule was a waste of time, but after some research, I discovered that the Canada Post does in fact still operate – across the whole country! In 2019, we all receive dozens of emails a day; sometimes it is spam, other times it is slightly related to our lives. But emails are no longer special, and the prospect of receiving a physical letter someone spent the time and money on sending to you is enthralling. So last week I ran down to my mailbox to see what treasures could lie inside. After rifling through some unimportant papers (bills, advertisements, more bills), I finally found something that caught my eye – a subscription notice for the Economist – but it was not addressed to me. This was a letter addressed to my amazing little best friend and roommate – my dog Chewy.
Now I know he did not request a subscription – he has no interest in business and finance. If anything, his tastes lie in culinary and gardening – oh, and he cannot read because he’s a DOG.
I have many questions. Why was Chewy in their database? Did they know he was a dog? What marketing company thought he would be interested in an annual subscription to the Economist?
Despite my disappointment at not receiving any mail, I was enthusiastic about this new opportunity. You see, subscription notices include a pre-paid postage envelope addressed for the subscription provider, and I had a responsibility as Chewy’s human to represent his best interests and respond on his behalf.
However, since this first letter, Chewy has received another subscription notice from the Economist AND mail from the UN. Even I don’t get mail from the UN! I don’t even get mail from random local businesses. I guess the world is just starting to recognize how special Chewy is.
Below is a letter from Chewy to the Economist, and we still await a personal response. But I think Chewy can wait and just read my legal casebooks in the meantime.
Dear Sir or Madam:
I write to you today in response to the subscription offer I received several days ago for the Economist. I believe it is only right to inform you as the addressee that I, Chewy Glasenberg, am a dog.
As an avid reader of such publications as National Geographic and Modern Dog, I do appreciate the opportunity for new materials to paw-ruse. However, I am not familiar with the Economist – or businesses, the economy, or money – and am not sure whether this publication contains subject matter suiting my interests. My interests include psychology, nature and environmental studies, wildlife, tug-of-war, beef and other animal byproducts, canine anal glands, and similar topics.
If this publication or others you offer pertain to such subjects, I would be interested in receiving more information and can be contacted at the address in your database which you have already used to send me the initial offer. Please send further correspondence in easy-to-tear envelopes (as I do not have opposable thumbs) by post.
Thank you and woof-woof.
Sincerely,
Chewy Glasenberg
P.S. Do be patient for a response as I am not on the best of terms with our postal carrier.