Over the course of August 2019, newspaper staff finally got around to cleaning Obiter Dicta’s office space for the first time in the paper’s fifty year history on Osgoode’s York campus. The cleanup, which Obiter staff were totally getting around to doing for the last half-century, was prompted by a discharge of toxic fluids emanating from the floor when Editor-in-Chief Connor Campbell tried to sweep another mess under the carpet–which seemed a bit lumpy and dangerously over capacity since the website debacle from earlier this year.
The move came as a welcome surprise to the long-suffering clubs and student associations that have had to share a common area with Obiter. “It’s about time they finally did something,” said a member of OPSC. “We try to ensure this campus is a safe space for all students, so the fact that our office isn’t adjacent to a literal cesspool of WSIB violations certainly goes a long way to achieving that.”
Armed with an array of antiseptics, blacklights, and geiger counters; the hazmat suit-clad editorial board spent several days attempting to remove the evidence of their crimes against both man and god, as well as installing some new furniture and adding a marble coffee table to the office.
However, some Obiter staff had mixed feelings about the recent changes. “Look, despite being named the ‘Come Couch’ it was far from inviting, and I’m glad to see it go,” said Corey LeBlanc, Obiter’s Opinion Editor. “That having been said, there was something special about that office that I’m sad to see go. For over 50 years, the staff have been leaving a piece of themselves in this place, and I’m not just talking about their DNA.”
However, some groups criticized Obiter’s efforts as not going nearly far enough, and that the room was still unsafe. When pressed for comment Mr. Campbell had this to say, “Look, there is physically no way we could have gotten everything, and so we did what we do best–cover things up. Our walls still look like an imitation Jackson Pollock when you shine a blacklight in the room, but you wouldn’t know that with the new cork board and all the picture frames we put up.” When asked how this would change the fact that the room was still dangerously toxic, Mr. Campbell went on to discuss the photos he planned to fill the picture frames at length.
The new office was officially christened on August 26th, 2019 at 10:53 am when the Editor in Chief accidentally broke his glass mug from dropping it on the floor and proceeded to not clean it up.