The Osgoode Hall Law School is pleased to announce the successful launch of the Orbiter Dicta, the school’s new state-of-the-art miscommunication satellite. The launch vehicle for the satellite was the Red Rocket, installed on the York University campus in December 2017.
OBITER staff were ecstatic upon seeing the satellite successfully reach orbit given the failure of the last thing the paper tried to send up to the cloud—a newwebsite. Mr. Campbell, the Editor-in-Chief, could not be reached for comment, as he was incessantly posting OBITER updates on LinkedIn and the Osgoode Facebook group(s). In an effort to improve website accessibility, OBITER took the old website offline, and merrily provided the school with inaccessible PDFs and print copies. OBITER staff still consider this move a victory as it has met the paper’s goal of getting the wrong point across.
The new satellite however will orbit in tandem with the earth’s rotation, meaning it is capable of reaching all parts of Osgoode 24/7 (except the Moot Court Room), and even some parts of UofT. Politicians across the globe have expressed excitement at the possibility of studying the satellite’s advanced mixed messaging system. International Relations scholars independently contacted the editors, saying, “This is just the inspiration we’ve been looking for to expand our research; never before has it been possible to see articles that so earnestly try to get things right, yet end up so wrong at the same time.”
Meanwhile, scientists are excited to use the satellite to study black holes. “OBITER snatches up any funding that comes near it like a fucking neutron star, no surprise that they’d try to study they’d turn their attention to the only thing in the known universe that sucks as much as they do,” said L.J., a worker at a rival publication.
When reached for comment as to how a university newspaper was able to pay for such a massive endeavor, Mr. Campbell stated that “with SNC Lavalin’s recent acquisition of OBITER, our financial position has never been better. Now that the company is “reformed” and can no longer spend money on yachts for Libyan dictators, there are extra funds available to finance new and different vanity projects.”
Ethics Commissioners have long been fascinated by OBITER’s ability to proactively decrease ad revenue, and to avoid even the appearance of conflicts of interest by ensuring no OBITER editors work for any of OBITER’s advertisers.
At press time, OBITER’s staff could be seen extinguishing and sweeping up the ashes of back-copies of OBITER, which were used as the ignition source for the Rocket.