19 October 2021 In a strange and shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court of Canada has chosen to overturn the rule of precedent in the common law. Sidney Scapegoat, recent member of Parliament for Dagozhingwaakaa, Ontario, had this to say. “Precedent, for those not in the know, goes hand in hand with the concept of stare decisis—that when a court decision has been made in court, it is final...
NOTE: the contents of this fictional retelling have been taken from trial transcripts. Some details have been changed or omitted to ensure privacy. Sidney Scofflaw got up to the stand. “You are Sydney Scofflaw, aged –, living in –? And you are a second-year student here at Osgoode, where the Osgoode Supreme Court is holding trial?” said the judge. “That’s right,” said Scofflaw. “And you were on...
As COVID-19 decimates the Canadian economy, throws indebted students into an uncertain job market, and poses real risk to both physical and mental health, Osgoode Hall Law School’s students click into their Zoom classes to start off the 2020-2021 academic year. One student reflects on the changes brought on by the pandemic and laments the virtual formatting of her courses. “Just because I never...
OTTAWA, ON Following what they call years of systemic discrimination, “gamers” flooded the House of Commons yesterday to make their voices known. Championing private member’s bill C-1337, gamers of all stripes came to highlight the struggles they have faced and how parliament has remained silent on these issues. “It’s an utter travesty, what we can see is the state trying to control our...
OSGOODE HALL, TORONTO ON – Citing ‘app failure’ and a lack of volunteer training, nearly a day after the Iowa caucuses in the Democratic primary we are still left in the dark as to who has clinched valuable delegates in the race to be the Democratic Party candidate. With the failure of the DNC to publish the results of the Iowa Caucus in a timely manner, Osgoode students who are allegedly...
HELL—Earlier today the price of a human soul has plummeted to a record low when Osgoode student April Smith sold her soul for a B+ in Dale Lastman’s Securities class. For many in the 9 circles of Hell, this is proof of a robust economy and is encouraging others to take advantage of the situation. “You know, a decade ago, only the highest lords of Hell could afford purchasing an eternal slave, the...
TORONTO, ON – Responding to considerable public pressure regarding arcane and unfair Legal Aid requirements, the Ford administration has announced what it has determined to be a more practical and easily understood set of criteria “for the people”. Long have legal professionals and concerned members of the public argued that Legal Aid’s current financial cutoffs have been far too...
Turns out a probable ineptitude for self-improvement isn’t just for individual human beings; it’s for our institutions too! A leaked internal report from Trudeau’s government details several new criminal offences and penalties the Liberals are planning to incorporate into the criminal code by the end of 2020. These proposals were leaked by an anonymous individual who claimed to be a former member...
TORONTO, ON—Committed to improving his physical and mental well being, junior associate Todd Abrams told his peers he was especially proud of the recent lifestyle changes he’s made since January 1st, none of which include curbing his tremendous coke habit. The answer, which went into the specific changes and the way Mr. Abrams could already feel his body responding positively provided a fulsome...
OTTAWA, ON – Still reeling from dangerous rhetoric and military mobilization in the beginning of 2020, our nation is left with a great deal of uncertainty. Several questions are at the forefront of our minds: What threats are legitimate? Which are merely posturing? How is Newfoundland involved? It should be awfully suspicious to all Canadians that Newfoundland has remained shockingly silent...
I Didn’t Ask to be a Hero; I Just Declared Myself One To think, it has been about eight months since my father generously donated $500,000 to Osgoode and seven since I received my acceptance. Little did I know that day, my path to becoming a lawyer would be rockier than the beginnings of Justice Abella’s and Bora Laskin’s careers combined. I am no stranger to hardship. My undergraduate...
CIA: Condescending Insufferable Artists Langley, Virginia; November 19th Director of the Central Intelligence Agency, Gina Cheri Haspel announced to the press that the CIA will be undergoing radical changes over the upcoming year. Ms. Haspel began the press conference discussing the history of the CIA and its seven decades of failed operations—be it trying to overthrow democracies, Nazi scientist...
TORONTO, ON – Reports now show that Trevor Redding, a local 3L student, has realized that he has become completely mired in law school culture. Sources are now saying that Redding has passed the point of no return, and that all future interactions with those outside of the legal community are doomed to failure. The tipping point came last Friday. While attending a party with his...
CIA: Condescending Insufferable Artists Langley, Virginia; November 4th Director of the Central Intelligence Agency, Gina Cheri Haspel announced to the press that the CIA will be undergoing radical changes over the upcoming year. Ms. Haspel began the press conference discussing the history of the CIA and its seven decades of failed operations—be it trying to overthrow democracies, Nazi scientist...
In this modern, digital age, it is a rare occurrence to receive actual, physical mail. It initially seemed like learning the postal rule was a waste of time, but after some research, I discovered that the Canada Post does in fact still operate – across the whole country! In 2019, we all receive dozens of emails a day; sometimes it is spam, other times it is slightly related to our lives. But...
OTTAWA, ON – It was a calm afternoon as the newest crop of Canadian MPs were set to be sworn in. Freshmen MPs nervously adjusted their ties as veterans could not wait to get the pomp and circumstance over with. All of this was brought to a screeching halt as a familiar figure burst into the legislature, kicking down the door and sending debris everywhere. The other MPs stood in shock as...
One of the most challenging aspects of entering the legal profession is developing a distinct and professional social media strategy. This is particularly critical for Twitter use. I spent many hours scouring #LawTwitter and surveying the tweeting habits of lawyers from Ontario. These are some of my initial observations. The rules of engagement are only complex insofar as you understand...
It is, as we all know, impossible to change the past. It is, however, surprisingly easy to change the law. You just need an interesting enough case (for judges) or a large enough incentive (for politicians). But what about using the law to alter the past? When this correspondent received a letter from St. Hushar, Koizumi, and Hochstapler LLP detailing their experiments in metaphysical law, well...
Say hello to the newest regular part of the satire section: Obits. A place for death notices for things we’re glad have died or wish were dead already. A bite-sized fuck-you-logy, if you will. If there’s something you’d like to see go, please send your recommendations to satire@obiter-dicta.ca. Angry Frenchman Dies Shooting Himself in the Foot On Monday October 21, 2019 at 11PM Maxime Bernier’s...
September 26, 2019: The typically quiet library at Osgoode was disturbed when one of the hardworking librarians was heard crying to the sky in a fit of impotent rage. “Damn you, Wales and Sanger! How many generations must you corrupt before your evil hearts are sated?!” he exclaimed when he eyed a Wikipedia.org page for Carville v Carbolic Smoke Ball open on a 1Ls’ computer. Another...
ETOBICOKE, ON – On Tuesday, Obiter had the chance to sit down with Fred McQuaid, 59, Member of Parliament for Etobicoke West. McQuaid is looking to defend his title for the fourth time in what is shaping up to be an incredibly divisive election. – Obiter: I’ve got to say that it’s an honour to meet you, sir. You’ve had one hell of a career. Could you give our readers a quick summary...
anyone who, after one full day of law school, found themselves solicited for legal advice by friends and family, drink. anyone with a crush on a Dean’s Fellow, drink. anyone in torts who thought chattel just meant cows & horses; anyone in legal process who wrote ultra virus when they meant ultra vires, drink. married couples, drink. dating couples, drink. if you came here looking for love...
New accusations arose this week against Prime Minister Justin Trudeau regarding recent attempts to restore his image. It is alleged that Trudeau and the Liberal Party of Canada coordinated with a foreign government in an attempt to de-escalate Trudeau’s blackface scandal. An unnamed source in the Prime Minister’s Office leaked communications that took place between Trudeau and President of...
On September 17th, 2019, Pete Gaynor, Acting Administrator of Federal Emergency Management Agency appeared before a congressional hearing in order to procure additional funds for the Agency. Mr. Gaynor testified that Hurricane Dorian had left FEMA grossly under resourced for the release of the upcoming Joker film. Dorian, which reached its peak as a Category 5 hurricane with one-minute sustained...
Overconfident 2L Brooke Moon renounced the need to engage meaningfully with her classes in any way last week after her OCI schedule became available on the award-winning legal platform, MyCareer. “Sixteen clicks and three log-in pages later, and there they were,” Moon said. “When I saw I had interviews, I knew this was it. I knew I would never have to go to class again.”...